How I Became a Voice for Change

I was 40 when I was diagnosed as autistic level one. This means I need support for some social communication challenges and inflexible behaviors, but they don't really affect my daily life.

I've been working for over 20 years, with careers in marketing and Human Resources (or People & Culture). In both careers, it's all about people. Whether I'm talking to customers or employees, the focus is on building relationships and understanding how they think and feel.

So it surprised people when I shared that I actually struggle with back-and-forth conversations and understanding social rules. I've had many moments with uncomfortable pauses and awkward glances during conversations.

To cope with work meetings and social gatherings, I've learned to make small talk, even though I don't really get its point. "How are you? I'm fine, thank you" and talking about the weather, of course… I prefer having deeper, meaningful conversations.

Back in January 2024, I had a get-together with former colleagues, and was initially taken aback by the 15-person WhatsApp invitation list. Honestly, I considered backing out multiple times but I hadn't seen most of them in 5 years.

It was hard to chat casually without moving away from the topic of “Where are you working now?. I wasn't sure what else was appropriate to ask, and it seemed senseless to talk about the hot weather when we were in an air-conditioned room.

I wanted to catch up with the mum, but kept my distance when her baby cried a few times. I felt unsure what to do. I mentioned to an ex-colleague sitting beside me, that I might end up crying too if the baby continued.

That day, I enjoyed talking one-on-one with my regional director. (Junior colleagues used to be afraid of approaching her due to her position, but she's human after all). I shared what happened in my life over the past 5 years we've last seen each other. She commented it's remarkable how much has transpired, that I continued to be jovial despite everything.

Looking back, I've noticed that I misunderstood some situations.

I had acted in ways that weren't okay.

Unknowingly, I was scripting my responses based on workplace interactions and fictional TV shows. I also took reference from the wrong people, having worked with senior colleagues who yelled and used bad language at work, often demeaning for those on the receiving end (that includes me…)

I thought as long as I performed well, I could behave like them. I could get away with being overly strict with my co-workers. Turns out, I was totally wrong. I remembered a junior teammate asked me why I seemed mean to another junior colleague. I expected high-quality work from them but I didn't realize I came off that way.

Learning I was autistic helped me become less critical of myself. While it was difficult to come to terms initially (especially due to what media portrayed), I took the opportunity to find out more about the various challenges the autistic community face, as well as those that affected me. Not all autistic people are alike.

For me, I react more strongly than most people to certain sounds, lights, textures, tastes and smells. In our quiet bedroom, the whirring of the fan can drive me nuts. I can mostly tell when it's about to rain due to light changes from the window. I will be shaken up from sleep when it rains in the middle of the night. I prefer plastic and wooden cutlery, as I can taste the metal in some older stainless steel ones. I cannot tolerate spicy or gooey food.

I take pride in having a specific preference for organizing things. People at work mostly benefit from this, being able to retrieve information and files quickly. It's not necessarily neat at home though, especially with limited living space. And when I'm too mentally drained from long hours of work, similar household or personal items would be clustered, and stuffed into drawers, boxes, or paper bags.

My poor working memory makes it tough to temporarily hold and work with information in my mind. And that's why you'll usually catch me scribbling down notes for myself. Somehow I'm being punished as the unofficial minutes taker during meetings. It takes time for me to sort through my notes after, and to retrieve the parts that are meant for others.

I do think my worst challenge is being too deeply absorbed in tasks. It's often to the point of losing track of time, forgetting to eat or run to the loo. Sometimes hubby returns from work in the evening and finds out I haven't had a bite the whole day. Sometimes it's my shaking body sending me "I'm about to crash" signals that I'll try to use whatever last bit of energy to dash to the coffeeshop downstairs.

I’m realizing lots more challenges since I’ve been diagnosed. I used to think it's the same for everyone else, or it's due to bad habits...

Knowing I am autistic helped me discover a community of fellow neurodivergent professionals. I didn’t felt that alone and misunderstood anymore. Hearing their experiences also helped me understand why I’ve endured prolonged, unhealthy relationships unreasonably, and left workplaces before reaching a three-year tenure.

I found out I am autistic seven months into my new job. At first, I was worried about how it might affect how people viewed me. Surprisingly, things turned out better than I expected, thanks to the supportive environment at work that made me feel comfortable and safe to be myself.

• The approved accommodation to work fully remote at home gave me a safe space to adjust at my own pace.

• My manager supports me in taking breaks to self-regulate.

• My colleagues' supportive reactions made me feel accepted and valued for who I am.

• I'm invited to join projects that align with my strengths.

• I have the freedom to handle my tasks independently boosts my confidence and creativity.

This company introduced me to employee-led programs for inclusion, belonging, and mental wellbeing. It’s my first time experiencing these initiatives and I'm grateful. They have boosted my confidence to express myself in a receptive environment that values what’s important to me. I feel heard and I feel seen, and this taught me the importance of self-advocacy.

Now equipped with the skills to efficiently express my needs and preferences, I am able to make meaningful contributions both at work and in my personal life.

If you have strategies or experiences to share on making workplaces more inclusive and making it okay to ask for support, let's connect and keep the conversation going.