The why behind it all

Like many Singaporeans, I followed the path our Asian parents ingrained in us... study hard, get good grades, land a stable job, and settle down. Raised to bring honor to our families, I learned early on to hide my struggles behind a smile.

But life doesn't always go as planned. I was diagnosed with breast cancer just as the pandemic began. During a time of immense insecurity, I found myself making sweeping changes... ending a long marriage, leaving my first overseas job, and relocating back for good.

Starting over in my late 30s wasn’t easy. Carrying limiting beliefs for so long made me feel undeserving of anything good. Am I too old to start over in life? How do people date nowadays? Would men be disgusted by a woman with a newly scarred breast? Would employers be willing to hire someone in cancer remission? Would cancer return?!

Overwhelming doubt and emotional exhaustion eventually led me to seek out the professionals, but finding the right help wasn’t easy.

I went through several counselors, psychologists, and a psychiatrist... and was eventually diagnosed as autistic level one (whatever that means) and with persistent low-grade depression (dysthymia).

Medication stabilized my mood and gave me the space to start working on myself without constantly bursting into tears.

My self-portrait doodle

Well, I can't erase the painful or embarrassing parts of my past. And it's not probable to have everything figured out. Sometimes, the best we can do is work with what we have and focus on what’s within our control.

And so, I tore off the heavily masked persona I once presented to the world, and courageously forged a way forward with no pressure to impress. (Yeah... that's my bare face. I hardly wear makeup these days.)

Learning in public. Guided by curiosity. Growing in plain sight.