All of Life is About Figuring Out

All of life is about figuring out. From the moment you enter the world, to the moment your soul departs, your life is a personal journey of discovery and alignment.

Sometimes that involves people sharing their knowledge and experiences with us, and other times that means experiencing something firsthand to learn about it. And what makes it positive or negative, good or bad, is a matter of perspective and context.

Take fire for an instance. When you are a child, your parent might have told you not to play with fire as you would get burnt. But out of curiosity, you reached for the flame, and there you learnt a lesson to never do it again. When you are older, you learn that fire is important for survival. It can keep you warm and be used to prepare meals. And when you watch the news, you hear about the devastation brought about by uncontrolled fires.

And the Rubik's cube. It's fascinating when I see people solve the puzzle in a matter of seconds. I had to buy one to figure it out myself. It's been three years, I've at most solved half the cube. I'm stubborn in a way - I don't want to watch tutorials or learn the tips and tricks. It may remain a half-solved puzzle for the rest of my life, but that's my choice - and I'm glad I've realized through the years that I've a choice. You always have a choice, just that the circumstances so far have not empower you with a sense of agency and autonomy to realize that.

People may tell you what is good for you. A 100% workable solution. That you must do life in a certain way. But just through watching YouTube videos on the tiny house movement and van life, I've learnt there's no one correct way to live a life or to solve a problem. It takes a healthy dose of curiosity to learn the options out there, as well as to create a potential solution and test out its viability.

In my earlier years, I'd expected the adults to have it all figured out. Now that I'm in my 40s and having been through some tough times, I honestly haven't figured out much. Life is what happens to us everyday, but even in the same situation, one person's worldview may be dark and gloomy, but another's may be bright and hopeful.

Treat each day can be a new opportunity for you to review and find alignment to your personal values. What is important to you previously may have shifted now, and that's perfectly alright. In fact, that's life!

And as I learn ways to better care for myself in various aspects, I realized many times that means practicing non-attachment and letting go of what no longer serves me in this season. It could be an unhealthy thought, or a limiting belief. Or maybe a tiny top I bought to coax myself to dieting but I no longer desire to fit into for I have now accepted my body shape. So much of clutter and distractions in our lives are due to our insecurities.

And what are those that no longer serve you in this season?

You have to figure it out yourself. You can seek professional advice, feedback from the people around you, read up self-help books, listen to an expert podcast for tips... but ultimately, you have to bear the responsibility of making a choice and the consequences that comes with it.

If the consequences are unexpected and undesirable, learn to forgive yourself for you know not better at the time of making that decision. Maybe you couldn't make an informed decision because you were hurting so badly and you just want "out". Or maybe there was so much uncertainty that you did not know how to differentiate facts from the "signs" you were hoping to see.

Most importantly, you've now gained a new piece of insight that will help you when you're making the next choice.

As humans, we tend to have a negativity bias. That things would turn out badly. But gamblers are an odd bunch. If you've watched the Squid Games or old Hong Kong movies on gambling, or the anti-gambling hotline advertisements in Singapore, they seem to be always so hopeful in raising their chances of winning. Perhaps it is to avoid what the painful outcome may be should they lose.

But what actually is winning in life to you?

That too, my friend, depends on you to define. Some people value material wealth and popularity, while others want a quiet and peaceful life. Some people value blood ties, while others prioritize healthy relationships. Only by experiencing life, would you be able to figure out what matters to you.

Happiness is a fleeting emotion, so whatever winning in life is to you, may you feel content.